Mindfulness Practices for Families
When parents and children are feeling big emotions, it’s good to find some calm. Simple mindfulness practices for families can help.
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Mindfulness supports healthy adult-child relationships.
Buzzwords Explained: Gentle Parenting
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- During the first three years of life, when a child’s brain is growing and changing daily, how adults interact with them has a huge impact.
- Gentle parenting does not mean allowing a child to do whatever they want. It is approaching negative behaviors in a gentle, even way that doesn’t fuel further distress.
- When kids trust their caregivers, they can focus their energy on developing and growing — rather than keeping themselves safe.
With Expert Insight From:
Sarah MacLaughlin
Sarah MacLaughlin is the Senior Training & Technical Assistance Specialist for Pediatrics Supporting Parents. She is a licensed social worker, parent educator, and author of two award-winning books for parents.
Rebecca Parlakian
Rebecca Parlakian is ZERO TO THREE’s Senior Director of Programs at ZERO TO THREE, where she directs a portfolio of projects related to child development, parenting, and high quality teaching and caregiving.
What is Gentle Parenting?
During the first three years of life, when a child’s brain is growing and changing daily, how adults interact with them has a huge impact. While negative experiences can hinder development, positive ones help kids thrive.
There’s been a lot of talk recently — and a lot of misconceptions — about gentle parenting in the news. As our National Director of HealthySteps, Rahil Briggs, PsyD, points out in her Psychology Today column, gentle parenting is not permissive parenting. It’s not a free-for-all, and it’s not letting kids do whatever they want. When done well, gentle parenting builds confidence in young kids and forges strong caregiver-child relationships.
This is what gentle parenting looks like:
Most parents have been in a situation where their infant or toddler, likely overstimulated and tired, refuses to listen. There may have been warning signs the child was reaching this point, but parents are busy or stressed themselves — and are suddenly dealing with a full-blown tantrum. Gentle parenting does not mean allowing a child to run away in public, refuse to get in the car, throw things in a store or engage in unsafe behaviors. What it does mean is approaching these common negative behaviors in a gentle, even way that doesn’t fuel further distress.
A gentle parent calmly and directly tells a child that their choices are not okay and communicates to the child that they are going to help. Direct statements like “I am feeling disappointed right now in how you are acting; I am going to pick you up and take you to the car now so we can calm down,” are a perfect example of gentle parenting. It is not permissive, but it also does not seek to further shame or embarrass a child who is already having a difficult time.
Young children don’t know how to manage their feelings yet. If caregivers can be calm when the child is not, children learn they can depend on their caregiver during even her toughest moments.
Gentle parenting makes kids feel secure
While it may feel like a shift from the way many parents were raised, gentle parenting benefits kids in many ways:
- When kids trust their caregivers, they can focus their energy on developing and growing — rather than keeping themselves safe. More harsh parenting techniques, like spanking, can actually be traumatic experiences that negatively impact development and can actually spur more negative behaviors.
- When infants and toddlers are dysregulated, they often do not have the skills yet to calm themselves down. A gentle parenting approach allows parents to stand in the gap for kids who are still developing emotional regulation skills. By helping their children navigate difficult situations in a positive way, that parent-child bond is consistently strengthened.
- Even when parents fail at parenting gently — every adult loses their temper sometimes — gentle parenting makes kids feel secure through the repair of that ruptured trust. Conscientious apology and repair not only strengthens that bond, but it also lets kids know that everyone makes mistakes, and shows them a model for apologizing.
Gentle parenting is not about perfection, rather it’s about striving daily to raise kids to function in the world while managing big emotions — and modeling the skills for them to do so.
Download our positive parenting infographic
Positive parenting is all about making child-rearing choices that reflect your beliefs and values as a parent, your child’s age and stage of development, and his or her temperament.
Dig Deeper:
For more resources on what gentle parenting looks like and how adult-child interactions affect development, check out these resources:
Distillation
Challenging Behavior: What Helps and What Doesn’t
Toddlers big emotions lead them to behave in aggressive ways. Keep calm and carry on with ways to address challenging behavior.
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How to Help Your Child Develop Empathy
Try these practical tips to help toddlers develop empathy and understand that others have different thoughts and feelings than they do.
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