Have you seen the video of the preschool kids greeting each other as the school day begins? Each child gets a high five, a fist bump, a handshake, or a hug. Their choice. Here’s why that choice matters.
Many of us remember being nudged toward a relative as kids—told to “Give them a hug,” even if we felt unsure or uncomfortable. What once seemed like a harmless family ritual is now recognized as an important moment for teaching toddlers about consent.
As our understanding of body autonomy grows, more caregivers are rethinking the idea that children should be told who to touch and when. These everyday interactions offer early opportunities to help children communicate their comfort level, understand that their bodies belong to them, and build the foundation for healthy, respectful relationships.
Why Start Early with Consent
Though many think of consent as a topic for the teenage years, toddlers can begin to learn about bodily autonomy and respect from a very early age. Teaching children that their body belongs to them helps them understand that they have control over who touches them and when — an empowering message that builds self-worth and protects personal boundaries.
What Consent Looks Like for Toddlers
Consent at toddler age doesn’t need to be complicated. It starts with simple everyday interactions: offering a high-five, handshake, wave, or a hug — and letting the child choose. For example, you might say: “Do you want to give Grandma a hug, high-five, or wave?” rather than making the child hug automatically. This helps reinforce that the child’s comfort and choice matter.
Practical Steps for Caregivers
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Model respect and consent from the start. Even before a child can speak, narrate what you’re doing: e.g., “I’m going to pick you up now,” or “I’m going to wipe your bottom.” This shows that their body is theirs and deserves respect.
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Use correct, clear language for body parts. Just as we teach children names for “head,” “shoulders,” and “toes,” we should also use accurate terms for genitals (e.g., penis, vulva) when age-appropriate — this enables them to communicate about their bodies respectfully and clearly.
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Teach that “no” and “stop” are powerful words. Encourage children to express discomfort or refusal — and commit as caregivers to always respect their “no,” whether it’s a hug, tickle, kiss, or other touch.
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Acknowledge and respect family or cultural greeting traditions — but also allow choice. If your family greets with hugs or kisses, explain that ritual to your child, but still offer them a choice (hug, wave, high-five, etc.). This balances cultural norms with personal agency.
Why It Matters for Long-Term Development
Learning consent in early childhood helps children build a foundation of self-respect and body autonomy. It teaches them that they have the right to say yes or no — not only in physical touch, but also in relationships and personal boundaries as they grow. It also fosters empathy and respect for others: as children learn they can say no, they also learn to respect when others do. That understanding becomes a building block for healthy relationships across their lifespan.
Quick Tips Cheat-Sheet for Caregivers
| What to do | Why it helps |
|---|---|
| Ask before touching or hugging a child, even at home | Models respect and body autonomy |
| Use correct names for all body parts, including genitals when appropriate | Helps children communicate about their bodies openly and safely |
| Offer greeting options (hug, wave, high-five, handshake) — don’t assume | Reinforces that children have choices and control over their body |
| Encourage and respect “no,” “stop,” or refusal at any time | Validates children’s feelings and reinforces their right to set boundaries |
| Respect others’ “no” when teaching children empathy | Builds understanding of consent as mutual and universal |
Of course, toddlers can’t make all the decisions, and there are many situations when a decision isn’t theirs to make. They get washed in the tub, wiped during diaper changes, buckled into car seats, snapped into snowsuits, and tucked into bed. It helps to give children some choices during these moments: “I hear that you don’t want your hair washed. We need to get your hair clean. Would you like to hold the washcloth over your eyes?” When it comes to touch, children should know as early as possible that they can make choices about how they are touched and by whom.
Be clear and confident that children have a choice about touch. There may be a moment when a beloved Aunt Louise can’t wait to wrap a little one in a big bear hug and the child is not. on. board. It can help to think about what to say ahead of time: “Chloe needs some time to warm up. Let’s save hugs and kisses for later.” Or offer the child a choice so it’s clear that they get to decide what works for them: “How would you like to say good-bye to Grandma? Do you want to wave or give her a hug?” Moments like these reinforce toddler consent in everyday situations.
