Keep calm.
One of the most important things you can do when your child is acting out is to stay calm yourself.
Stop the behavior.
For example, take your child’s hand—firmly but not roughly—and tell them, at eye level, “No hitting. Hitting hurts,” in a serious but calm voice.
Validate your child’s feelings.
Say, “You are angry that Pablo took your toy. It’s okay to feel angry. But I will stop you from hitting. Hitting hurts.”
Give choices.
Tell and show your child what they can do.Teach them better ways to direct their energy. If you stop your child’s behavior, but do not tell them what to do instead, they may keep doing the thing you want them to stop. Tell them they can say “I’M MAD,” jump up and down, stomp their feet, or hit the sofa cushions.
Look for patterns.
Using your child’s behavior as a clue, notice what times or interactions are stressful for your child. That way, you can predict when a blow-up might happen. You might figure out that your child melts down every time they need to get in their car seat. Once you know this, you can offer support. You might give them five minutes of notice before you leave the house. Or they can choose a special book or toy to bring in the car to make the transition easier.
Point out what happened.
There are many natural consequences to actions. Explain what happened. Say, “When you hit Carrie, it hurt her and she started to cry,” or, “When you threw the toy on the floor, it broke.”
Offer an acceptable behavior.
Help your toddler express their wants in a way that’s OK to you. Offer an alternative. Say, “It’s not okay to throw blocks. Someone might get hurt. You can throw these foam balls in the basket instead.”